The worst players to have played for your team

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Bashmachkin

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The worst players to have played for your team

Post by Bashmachkin on Thu Nov 17, 2011 12:51 pm

Perhaps we have done this or something similar before, but not for some time, and I think it's good fun. I will not attempt to delimit the thread at all: you can utilise any formation you choose; you can give an eleven, a match-day squad of sixteen or eighteen, or a full squad of twenty-two or more; and you can pick players who came before your time, who never featured for your first team, or alternately those who featured lots.

I am more inclined to select players who were either comically bad in some way, or who were terrible over an extended period. I am amused by the former, and come to detest the latter; whereas I never care quite so much about players who, for instance, waste the club's money by never playing, feign injury, don't settle, and so on (Newcastle have a history of these including Marcelino, Luque and Xisco).


GK: Mike Hooper - at the time, around 1993, Pavel Srnicek was our first choice goalkeeper and Hooper came in as his competition. Our fans loved Pav, whereas Hooper looked very uncertain in his first few appearances for us; and owing to this he became a figure of fun and didn't respond particularly well to it. I remember attending a reserve game in which Hooper played where a small group of fans maintained, throughout the match, an ironic chorus of 'Super Duper Hooper'. He did produce one positive memorable moment when, Pav having been sent off during a league game against Tottenham, he came on and, to everyone's astonishment, saved a Klinsmann penalty.

RB: Stephen Carr - Carr came to us from Tottenham with a decent reputation (I think TS even put him at right-back in his 'Best Ever' Tottenham XI a short while ago) and he seemed to manage a few decent years in the Premier League with Birmingham after he left us; but for us he was terrible. He routinely cost us goals and was responsible for the maligning of several centre-backs because he would come inside from his right-back position, losing his man and muddling things in the penalty area. He played for much of his Newcastle career alongside international teammates like Shay Given, Andy O'Brien and Damien Duff, and though he seemed to get on with them off the pitch, on the pitch it was as though he didn't know them and held them in suspicion, bearing a sort of startled, confused and angry expression as he messed us up time and time again. He also had a habit of receiving the ball up the pitch only to turn and kick it out of play, as though contriving to show solid defensive play from a promising attacking position.

LB: Celestine Babayaro - the formation I have selected dictates the selection of a left-back, and in a sense it feels a little harsh to put Babayaro in here because he did have injury problems and personal problems during his time with us; but he was pretty much useless for us on the pitch, and did seem lacking in commitment as well as in fitness.

CB: Jean Alain Boumsong - Boumsong's signing was investigated by the Stevens Report since Graeme Souness persuaded us to pay £8 million for him only a few months after Rangers signed him on a free transfer. Whatever, he was very poor for us from the start, very slow, not particularly strong, and we sold him for a £5 million loss a couple of seasons later.

CB: Andy O'Brien - I think for much of his career our fans considered him unspectacular, even at times insufficient, but still thought of him as fairly reliable, honest and professional. I always thought he was useless, lacking ability in every area - he was weak physically, poor in the air especially given his height, very clumsy with and without the ball, lacked positional sense, and towards the end of his time with us was costing us a goal a game via blatant errors. I regard him as the worst centre-back we have had in my time as a supporter.

CM: Nicky Butt - I loathed Nicky Butt whilst he played for Manchester United, thought of him as a cynical fouling cheat with no footballing ability whatsoever, and was horrified when we bought him and sold Gary Speed. He lived up to my expectations, a fouling cheat who couldn't pass the ball five yards, either lofting it out of play or blasting it into Shearer's shins whenever he strayed beyond our half-way line. It was infuriating having him in our team for so long.

CM: Alan Smith - a kind of black hole whenever he plays for us, sure to drag the team's performance down numerous levels and to cost us significantly whether by giving the ball away, conceding a foul in a dangerous situation, or just sitting so deep that it destroys our shape. He hasn't had a good game for us since we signed him - even in the Championship all he did was sit deep and head balls back to the opposition.

RM: Lee Bowyer - most indicative of Bobby Robson's wrong-headedness towards the end of his time as Newcastle manager is the fact that, less than twelve months after we finished third in the league in 2003, we had replaced Nobby Solano on the right of our midfield with Lee Bowyer - and were on course towards replacing Laurent Robert down the other flank with Darren Ambrose and James Milner. Bowyer was an awful right-midfielder, but he improved little on those occasions when he played in a central position, and in addition he was obviously a generally unpleasant character.

LM: Daniel Cordone - he had two or three good games for us when he arrived early in Robson's reign and I think some of us thought we had signed a good, modern, goal-scoring wide player. However, after those few good games he was awful, and began to seem quite comic because he was so bad, had a terrible and bizarre haircut plastered to his scalp, and was nicknamed 'the wolf'.

FW: Michael Owen - Owen had his good games for us and scored some goals; he played well for us under Kevin Keegan, operating in a role behind Mark Viduka and Obafemi Martins; overall, collecting together all of his performances, he wasn't the most useless of all the strikers we have had over the last twenty years. But he's the former player I detest most, deserves a place on this sort of list for the contempt he showed for the club throughout his time as our player, and was an awful signing in terms of value for money - we got so little back from him in performances and effort for the money we paid. He was entirely a waste of space during our relegation season, happily led us down, and I think the attitude he's held since then, happily remaining sixth or seventh choice at Manchester United, demonstrates well the type of vacuous character he is.

FW: Jon Dahl Tomasson - he went on to have a successful career, and was perhaps unfortunate in his time at Newcastle because injuries often left him leading the line up front, where he was more suited to playing off a striker. However, he was dreadful for us. His movement was insufficient and I remember that his shots seemed always to take an age to end up in the opposition keeper's hands, floating ineluctably to a sorry conclusion.


Assorted squad players:

Lionel Perez (GK) - we signed him from Sunderland as a back-up goalkeeper, and he was thoroughly disliked owing to this connection and never played a game for us. He was just a silly signing.

Marcelino (CB) - signed for close to £6 million and only played a handful of games over the course of three or four years, finger injuries ruling him out of action for months at a time. In the end we released him on a free.

Wayne Quinn (LB) - if I recall, he came to us touted as a potential future England left-back, but turned out to be very poor and seemed to linger for years without playing games for us.

Franck Dumas (DM) - came to us labelled 'the best player never to have played for France', which I suppose is fair enough if a matter of fact, but its not the type of tagline you want your players to come with. He wasn't very good and managed only a few games.

Fumaca (CM) - he only played a few times for us, but he's often referred to by Newcastle fans as 'the only Brazilian who couldn't play football'. I remember him doing repeated pointless step-overs just outside our penalty area in the last few minutes of a game which we were losing.

Joey Barton (RM) - he had half a good season for us as a right-midfielder, which does not make up for all the rubbish he produced on and off the pitch in the three years prior to this: from refusing to join us until we paid him directly the £300,000 'loyalty' bonus Manchester City declined to pay; to assaulting someone and getting sent to prison; to the numerous self-absorbed, self-aggrandising comments made via the press and Twitter. He was invariably awful when played in the middle of the pitch.

Darren Ambrose (RM/LM) - he was transparently inferior to the foreigners Robson bought him to replace, but Robson used him anyway. I remember in his first match for us, his first action saw him knocked off the ball easily, and he became very embarrassed and blatantly fouled the player involved a little while later in an attempt to make amends.

Stephane Guivarch (FW) - we spent £3.5 million on him, he came to us as a World Cup winner, but he looked terrible and played four games before being sold.

Andreas Andersson (FW) - he was one of a trio of bad forwards bought in quick succession comprising also Tomasson and Guivarch. He ran more than the others, so he seemed interested at least, but he was very clumsy. The only goal I remember him 'scoring' for us involved him, one-on-one with the opposition keeper, falling down, the ball hitting his knee as he did so and bobbling over the keeper into the net.

Ian Rush (FW) - contemptuously brought to the club by Kenny Dalglish at the very end of his career, along with the similarly pointless John Barnes.
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Kimbo

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Re: The worst players to have played for your team

Post by Kimbo on Thu Nov 17, 2011 1:02 pm

I think JDT is a harsh selection, so is Bowyer. That joker Luque is worth a mention.
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Luis

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Re: The worst players to have played for your team

Post by Luis on Thu Nov 17, 2011 2:49 pm

ooooh fun! Smile

GK: Jerzy Dudek

We've actually been blessed with keepers throughout our history but before Reina we had a bit of a dodgy few years with Kirkland, who was good but ridiculously injury prone. Carson, who had an impressive debut but went on to be a bit shit and we mucked about with a few poor foreign keepers that never made it. Dudek will always be remembered for his world class performance in Istanbul but for the most part he was a clown. I never felt comfortable with him in goal.

RB: Josemi

Kromkamp was a contender here but Josemi was just utterly useless for a fullback. Wasn't a big risk to sign him by Rafa because he didn't cost much if I remember correctly but we needed cover for Finnan, just not this sort of cover.

CB: Pellegrino

The slowest centre back I've ever seen. Awful defender but good coach it seems.

CB: Kygriakos

Bit harsh and can't be bothered to spell his name correctly but he wasn't very good.

LB: Paul Fucking Konchesky

Horrendous. Summed up everything wrong with the Hodgson era.

DM: Poulsen

He was a nightmare in the Premier League because he can't tackle and can't pass. We effectively replaced Mascherano with this guy.

CM: Diao

£8 million pounds worth or something. A really poor player signed when Houllier went a bit mental.

LM: Nunez

Sell Michael Owen and get Nunez free. He was shit.

RM: Diouf

Not a RM but had to put him in here. A disgusting spitter that cost us £10 million. And he was pretty crap for us too.

ST: Robbie Keane

Not much needs to be said. Poor.

ST: Voronin

lol!


Ladies and Gentleman I give you, LFC's joke 11:

------------------Dudek-------------------------

--Josemi-------Pellegrino-----Greek----------Konchesky------

------------------Poulsen-----Diao-------------------------

--Diouf-------------------------------------------Nunez-----

-------------------Voronin--------Keane---------------------

Subs: Carson, Krompkamp, Babel, Kewell, Joe Cole, Mark Gonzales, Dossena
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Lordanger

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Re: The worst players to have played for your team

Post by Lordanger on Thu Nov 17, 2011 3:15 pm

bit harsh putting dudek there: he might have been shit 99% of the time but that one game where he was amazing was surely worth all the others put together? without his jammy magic that day liverpool would have got thrashed and you wouldnt have won the CL. surely for that alone he deserves to not be on this list?
just a thought.
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Kimbo

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Re: The worst players to have played for your team

Post by Kimbo on Thu Nov 17, 2011 3:36 pm

Give it a season or 2 and the team will be dominated by KKK signings.
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Deluded F*ck™

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Re: The worst players to have played for your team

Post by Deluded F*ck™ on Thu Nov 17, 2011 3:52 pm

How old is Luis? Westerveld and James were worse for Liverpool than Dudek was. Kirkland too.
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Kroos

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Re: The worst players to have played for your team

Post by Kroos on Thu Nov 17, 2011 4:05 pm

--------rensing

oddo-breno-rau-lell

-----wiesinger-borowski
karimi-------- sosa

------ali dai---hashemian
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messiah

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Re: The worst players to have played for your team

Post by messiah on Thu Nov 17, 2011 4:17 pm

------------------Arnau

----Oleguer----Christanval---Chygryinskiy

------------------Gerard

--------Rochemback-------Giovanni

-------------------Helb

----Simao-----Saviola---Overmans

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Allez les rouges

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Re: The worst players to have played for your team

Post by Allez les rouges on Thu Nov 17, 2011 4:19 pm

Kroos wrote:
karimi-----

------ali dai---hashemian

That's racist Ale
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debaser

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Re: The worst players to have played for your team

Post by debaser on Thu Nov 17, 2011 4:36 pm

I've gone with a blend of big-money disappointments, past-it players with big reputations and the downright crap. Probably loads I forget from the 1990s. Found defence hardest - defenders are forgettable..

Peter Enckelman - dodgy
Habib Beye - not that bad on pitch, but has become something of a Winston Bogarde figure
Curtis Davies - more in terms of value than anything, stupid signing.
Colin Calderwood - legs had gone by the time he played for us
Nicky Shorey - so very very slow
Oyvind Leonhardsen - urgh
Eric Djemba-Djemba - useless
Robert Pires - past-it, offered nothing
David Ginola - see Pires
Bosko Balaban - signed for £6m played about 3 games
Milan Baros - big disappointment

Dishonourable mentions: Schmeichel, Warnock, Salifou, Berger, Kachloul, Routledge, Kinsella, Sidwell, Collymore, Carlton Cole

And yes, Alan Hutton is fast working his way towards joining this lot Evil or Very Mad
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Super Progress

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Re: The worst players to have played for your team

Post by Super Progress on Thu Nov 17, 2011 4:54 pm

Allez les rouges wrote:
Kroos wrote:
karimi-----

------ali dai---hashemian

That's racist Ale
Just wait till Jaime posts his Real Madrid team. Biggrin
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Jaime

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Re: The worst players to have played for your team

Post by Jaime on Thu Nov 17, 2011 5:23 pm

Super Stalin wrote:
Allez les rouges wrote:
Kroos wrote:
karimi-----

------ali dai---hashemian

That's racist Ale
Just wait till Jaime posts his Real Madrid team. Biggrin

I don't know what you are talking about! Biggrin


-----------------Bizzarri

Miñambres-----Ruben-----J. Cesar-----Dorado

-----------Gravesen-----Altintop

A. Nuñez-----------Rincon--------Ognjenovic

-------------------Tote


Well I assume this is just since I have been supporting RM. Rincon was obviously a legend for Colombia but he was pretty sh!t for us. Honourable mention to Flavio Conceicao and Ernesto but I had to find a place for Altintop of course. Secretario could have been in at centre back but Julio Cesar was pretty awful and nobody can top Ruben's crying. I struggled with right back as well...a bit harsh maybe for Miñambres since he was cursed with so many injuries. Could have gone with Diogo as well I suppose. Nuñez too, I went back and forth with him and Javier Balboa but in the end I stuck with Nuñez purely and simply because in addition to be utter shite he was part of the deal that brought Michael Owen to the Bernabeu so he can f*ck off for that (even though it probably wasn't his fault).

Ale
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Jaime

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Re: The worst players to have played for your team

Post by Jaime on Thu Nov 17, 2011 5:28 pm

lol!

Just read Luis' team....poor Antonio Nuñez! Everybody hates him! lol!

Glenarch of the Glen

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Re: The worst players to have played for your team

Post by Glenarch of the Glen on Thu Nov 17, 2011 5:57 pm

for the record, I do not agree with the team that All Liverpool Fans posted. Graeme Souness thanks him though.

Arphexad
Kvarme Piechnik Traore Dicks
Nunez Diao Cheyrou Diomede
Clough Diouf

sad face
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Super Progress

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Re: The worst players to have played for your team

Post by Super Progress on Fri Nov 18, 2011 1:03 am

Jaime wrote:
Super Stalin wrote:
Allez les rouges wrote:
Kroos wrote:
karimi-----

------ali dai---hashemian

That's racist Ale
Just wait till Jaime posts his Real Madrid team. Biggrin

I don't know what you are talking about! Biggrin


-----------------Bizzarri

Miñambres-----Ruben-----J. Cesar-----Dorado

-----------Gravesen-----Altintop

A. Nuñez-----------Rincon--------Ognjenovic

-------------------Tote


Well I assume this is just since I have been supporting RM. Rincon was obviously a legend for Colombia but he was pretty sh!t for us. Honourable mention to Flavio Conceicao and Ernesto but I had to find a place for Altintop of course. Secretario could have been in at centre back but Julio Cesar was pretty awful and nobody can top Ruben's crying. I struggled with right back as well...a bit harsh maybe for Miñambres since he was cursed with so many injuries. Could have gone with Diogo as well I suppose. Nuñez too, I went back and forth with him and Javier Balboa but in the end I stuck with Nuñez purely and simply because in addition to be utter shite he was part of the deal that brought Michael Owen to the Bernabeu so he can f*ck off for that (even though it probably wasn't his fault).

Ale

No


Question

No



Question


No



Question


You've gone soft old man. It's the baby Biggrin
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Deluded F*ck™

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Re: The worst players to have played for your team

Post by Deluded F*ck™ on Fri Nov 18, 2011 9:27 am

So much to select from Smile

1993-present;


------------------------------Kasey Keller

Paolo Tramezzani----Gary Doherty-------Goran Bunjevcevic------Ben Thatcher

David Bentley------Michael Brown-------Kazuyuki Toda----------Gilberto

------------------Gregorz Rasiak-------Bobby Zamora

Bench: Ben Alnwick, Callum Davenport, Stuart Nethercott, Nicola Berti, Jamie Redknapp, Johnnie Jackson, Andy Booth

No
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Luis

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Re: The worst players to have played for your team

Post by Luis on Fri Nov 18, 2011 12:54 pm

Deluded F*ck™ wrote:How old is Luis? Westerveld and James were worse for Liverpool than Dudek was. Kirkland too.

They were a bit before my time, admittedly. But my team isn't the 'worst' players, it's the most comical, which I thought this thread was about. Dudek was a bit of a clown like when he let Forlan score 2 past him at Anfield.

Glenarch of the Glen

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Re: The worst players to have played for your team

Post by Glenarch of the Glen on Fri Nov 18, 2011 3:30 pm

Dudek was a bit of a clown when he pulled off that extraordinary double save from Shevchenko in extra time in the Champions League final and then saved 2 penalties in the shootout ok
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Luis

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Re: The worst players to have played for your team

Post by Luis on Fri Nov 18, 2011 4:05 pm

Barry Glenison wrote:Dudek was a bit of a clown when he pulled off that extraordinary double save from Shevchenko in extra time in the Champions League final and then saved 2 penalties in the shootout ok

One freakish game doesn't make up for him being mostly rubbish in his time with us. I don't really care either way; throw Westerveld in there if you want.
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Romford Pele

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Re: The worst players to have played for your team

Post by Romford Pele on Fri Nov 18, 2011 4:13 pm

messiah wrote:------------------Arnau

----Oleguer----Christanval---Chygryinskiy

------------------Gerard

--------Rochemback-------Giovanni

-------------------Helb

----Simao-----Saviola---Overmans


You ungrateful tulips Mad

Glenarch of the Glen

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Re: The worst players to have played for your team

Post by Glenarch of the Glen on Fri Nov 18, 2011 4:18 pm

Luis wrote:
Barry Glenison wrote:Dudek was a bit of a clown when he pulled off that extraordinary double save from Shevchenko in extra time in the Champions League final and then saved 2 penalties in the shootout ok

One freakish game doesn't make up for him being mostly rubbish in his time with us. I don't really care either way; throw Westerveld in there if you want.

he was mostly one of the best goalkeepers in the world during his time with us, both statistically and in popular opinion. You probably just weren't born at the time is all.
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Jaime

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Re: The worst players to have played for your team

Post by Jaime on Fri Nov 18, 2011 5:07 pm

@Super

lol! I totally forgot about Faubert....ok he can go in ahead of poor Nuñez. I think Nuñez at least scored a goal for us once. Adebayor was sh!t but he was not nearly as sh!t as Tote. See I'm not racist after all! cheers

Drenthe can't go in the team for the same reason Raul Bravo can't. Both = LEGENDS! Ale

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